The 4-Letter "F" Word....and Fireline

Fear.  noun: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

 It’s something that holds us back from trying new things whether it’s heights, the dark, spiders, you name it.  We don’t even give ourselves a chance.  We think, “I could never do that, plus I’m terrified.”  Saying “I could never do that” makes us feel better.  We don’t want to admit our fears so we just chalk it up to the fact that it can’t happen.  And well, if you never try, then no, you won’t do it.

Case in point, there are several people I work with who have mentioned they’d like to run their first 5K this year.  What an awesome goal!!!  There’s only one thing holding them back….Fear.  Afraid of not finishing.  Afraid of not being able to run the whole thing.  Afraid it’s going to hurt.  All valid points and all things that go through everyone’s mind when deciding to embark on a new goal.  My experience racing has been fearful each and every time.  My first running race was a marathon.  My first bike race was 50 miles.  My first triathlon was a sprint six months after I gave birth to my daughter.  I won’t lie…they all hurt.  I didn’t think I’d finish on more than one occasion.  But whether you think you’ll never do a real push up, run a race, or reach a long-term goal you have, all I ask is that you give yourself a fair chance.  Hopefully my story will help push you just a little bit.  :-)

When I lived in Boston I used to bike everywhere.  Living right near the Charles River was incredible and provided lots of opportunities to get out and explore the city powered by my own body.  But it all came to a halt the day I crashed on Memorial Drive.  It wasn’t pretty.  I skidded across a drawbridge with my bike tangled between my legs.  That didn’t hurt at all compared to the seven miles I had to ride home with the cold, morning air blowing right into my open wounds.  Although I didn’t actually bike after that, I tried to repair my bike by duct-taping the seat back together and leaving my shredded handlebars as they were in memory of how tough I really am!  I also needed a new helmet.  I didn’t remember hitting my head, but my helmet cracked.  

So a few years later, when I decided to ride my bike with my now husband and he saw my disheveled bike, it was pretty humorous.  But  I really enjoyed riding on the trails and spending time on two wheels again.  It was a completely different sport riding over tree roots and rocks (and I hated it at first due to the difficulty) but I eventually got hooked.  So much that I got a new mountain bike in 2010 and rode 24 miles on it the very first ride through Acadia National Park in Maine.  It felt so good to share this new activity with my manfriend (that’s what I called him since we were older).  He decided to train for the Vermont50 Mountain Bike Race in 2010 and got a few friends to sign up with him.  They loved the race and I loved the atmosphere there.  So much that I decided to sign up the next year.

If you’re familiar with mountain biking the FOMBA trails you’ve probably heard of Fireline.  I had never rode it before.  Since I knew I wanted to sign up for the race I was determined to ride Fireline as my first single track ride of the year on the day of registration.  Go big, or go home I thought.  It went something like this….  “Ok, Karen.  You are by yourself so you don’t have to keep up with anyone.  Take your time and enjoy the ride.  You can walk a 12-minute mile so at the very least, this should take you 45 minutes.”

An hour and 15 minutes later, I emerged COVERED in mosquito bites, blood and scrapes, and mud.  Walking in the door went something like this….  Manfriend to me:  “Hi!  How was your ride?”   Karen:  “I DO NOT want to talk about it.  If the VT50 is ANYTHING like Fireline, there’s no way in Hell I’m signing up.”   Manfriend:  “You did Fireline?”

So I signed up because I think I’m tough and I didn’t want one ride to crush my goal…but deep down I wasn’t exactly optimistic about finishing.

Cut to our wedding weekend in August of 2011.  We celebrated one of the best days of our life as Hurricane Irene destroyed northern New Hampshire and you guessed it…Vermont.

The updates from the race director kept coming explaining how the race would need to take some different routes this year due to knocked down trees, overflowing rivers, and just plain LOTS of mud.  Greeeeeat.  

Race weekend came and I was afraid, scared, worried, had night sweats, etc.  I had never raced on a bike before and instead of starting small, I was about to embark on my first 50-miler through the Hurricane blasted mountains of Vermont.  Thanks Irene.  My goal was to finish and I thought I could do it between 6-8 hours.  I do love hills and will climb until the cows come home.  Unfortunately there weren’t as many hills as I would have liked that day…

Eleven.  Hours.  After.  I.  Started.  I finished.  There were times I didn’t think I would finish.  There were times that my legs locked up and couldn’t move.  There were times that I was in pain.  A lot of pain.  I think I carried my bike a good 25 miles that day.  But my goal was to finish.

As I came down the mountain and rode by my fantastic cheering section (who waited very patiently for me I might add), I cracked a smile and yelled, “I’m NEVER doing this again!!”  

I crossed the finish line and then all the emotion hit me.  And I cried.

 Did I win??? (totally joking)

It hurt.

I did it.  I did it.  I did it.

And yes, I would do it again.  When?  Not sure?  But I want redemption and I want it bad.   So is a 5K going to take you 11 hours in the woods and mountains of Vermont?  Nope…not unless you sign up for an adventure race out there!  But there will always be fear, whether it’s a 5K or 50K or lifting weights heavier than you’ve ever lifted.  Fear is something we have in our heads and if our mind isn’t strong enough to stop it, we’ll only encourage it to grow.  

So what’s on your agenda this year?  What are you going to try for the first time?  Are you ready to show fear who’s boss?  If you need more inspiration, here’s the video of my finish.  I watch it occasionally to remind me of the awesomeness I found outside my comfort zone.  I hope you find yours!