Dear Karen - From Struggle to Strength

Twenty years ago, I trained for the Boston Marathon with the same intensity and determination that had always driven me as an athlete. But in that pursuit of excellence, something treacherous took root—an eating disorder that would take over my life for more than three years.

Back then, I thought I was doing everything right. I was disciplined, dedicated, and focused. But what I didn't realize was that the way I was fueling my body—or rather, depriving it—was harming me far beyond the physical exhaustion of marathon training. What started as an effort to be 'leaner' and 'faster' spiraled into an all-consuming battle with food, control, and self-worth.

For years, I believed I would always have to live with that voice in the back of my mind, whispering rules and restrictions. I assumed that recovery meant managing, not actually healing. But I’m happy to say I was wrong.

Today, as I train once again—for the same cancer research I truly believe in—I do so with a completely different mindset. I fuel my body with intention, I respect its needs, and I train in a way that honors my health, not just my performance.

I run without music in my ears, so I sometimes spend over two hours alone with my thoughts. It gives me time to reflect. And during a recent training run, I realized - This is my full-circle moment.

I share my story every year during National Eating Disorders Awareness Week because I know firsthand how easy it is for anyone, especially young athletes, to fall into the trap of disordered eating. The pressure to fit a certain mold, the myths about food and performance, and the well-intentioned but misguided nutrition advice can all create a dangerous environment.

The truth is, eating is not about fitting into society’s expectations. It’s about fueling performance, strength, and a long, healthy life. Food is not just fuel—it is recovery, resilience, and respect for our bodies that is meant to be enjoyed.

I’ve learned that recovery is possible. True, lasting recovery. Not just surviving with an eating disorder, but thriving beyond it.

As I look to cross the finish line of this year’s marathon, I’ll be running for cancer research. In support of survivors and those currently in the fight. And in memory of those we lost far too soon.

And deep down, I’ll also be running for the girl I was 20 years ago—the one who thought she had to earn her worth through restriction.

And I’ll be running for anyone who needs to hear that they are enough, just as they are.

“Dear Karen” is a blog series I created to share my truth in my own words. I had planned to share my story on the 15th anniversary of my diagnosis in 2020, but life had other plans. You can read my most emotional writing by reading all the Dear Karen stories. While the primary goal of this story is to share my truth about my eating disorder and my recovery, I am running for the ground-breaking cancer research being done at Dana-Farber. If this moved you, please consider making a donation by visiting my Dana-Farber Marathon Challenge page <<